just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
