my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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