just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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