I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's blow job season.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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