omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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