Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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