accomplished twins. life is a go
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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