Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
