My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
