She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
