i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
