Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
