hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
