Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
