i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
