I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
