there's paper in my vomit.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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