So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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