OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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