Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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