I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
