i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
