If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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