If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
