im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
