he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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