i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
