does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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