she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
