pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
