whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
