Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
