Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
