It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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