The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
