yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
