Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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