I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
