; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
found the other keg... it's in the tree
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
