I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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