Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
