So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
