Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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