the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
