does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
