glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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