It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
