My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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