I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
