i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
