I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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