Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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