and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
