I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
