Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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